“An expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order.”
This is one of the definitions of “Expectation”. Is expectation a kind of self defense or self motivating? Is it a smart way to plan the future? Is it an adoption and implementation for the law of attraction? Is it a manifestation that we are humans and not machines???
Half of the people on the planet have read the book “The Secret”, and the other half have been enrolled in positive thinking trainings, coaching or therapy, and believers just depend on God; they believe in “Que sera sera!” the higher power of the Universe will take its natural course.
“The best things happen when we least expect it” I disagree and agree. I do expect a bonus at the end of the year if I meet my targets. I do expect not to beg in the streets if I work hard, earn and enough money. I do expect to be respected if I do respect others. I do expect to have my family beside me in bad times. I do expect my friends to be there for me. I do expect to have fewer wrinkles if I am using anti-wrinkles creams and later Botox. I do expect to have a nice body if I eat well and exercise. These things are really great, and I expect it to happen in my life.
But I am struggling to understand how to live a life with ZERO EXPECTATIONS!
For the past year, I kept saying to myself and others that I am living my life day to day, I have no expectations whatsoever. It is not true at all, I did my best to believe this but with no success.
Reciprocating is a fundamental thing in life, but it doesn't apply on everything. The only venue of our life that obliges us to keep expecting is LOVE. It works like an anti biotic to kill the bacteria of convincing ourselves not to expect anything in LOVE. Unless, we are Mother Teresa or Jesus, we only give love, sweetness and tenderness just because we are people with good hearts; we give and never expect anything in return!!!
The best example on this is:The Stages of Dating: a coffee, a drink,…a dinner, movies…dinner at his house… dinner at her house… talks, discussions, smiles, laughs, and if the man is a super gentle , flowers or a box of chocolate… the expected RESULT is: SEX or in nicer words: making love.
The rhythm goes on, calls, text messages, FB messages, good night messages, good morning messages… plans for the weekend. The woman normally starts to feel a change in her life. Now, this change might be positive or negative. Positive; if it makes her happy and she doesn’t pretend to be happy, in addition she doesn’t amend the course of her life to fit Mr. Man in it. Negative; if she starts interpreting every move he makes as a gesture of bonding, this will definitely nurture her expectations, and this leads of course to become obsessed and needy.
How many of us spent a Friday night crying and going crazy because Mr. Man doesn’t answer his phone neither replies to the voice or text messages!!!!
We, the women are the womb of the Earth, we give with love, with warmth, with kindness, basically we give from our hearts, and unfortunately, we give our hearts easily.
Suddenly, the moment of truth knocks our doors… it actually knocks out our hearts… and many times our self confidence. After a week or 2 of total disappearance, Mr. Man agrees to meet for a "coffee", where he elaborates vividly that he has been very busy and going like a crazy. He elaborates that ,FINALLY, he found himself again, he wants to use this moment of AWAKENING to identify and arrange the cards of his life.
He keeps going...The appearance of Ms. Woman was like a dream came true, like a holy gift, like sunshine after a storm. Ms. Woman, he says while giving those sweetest eyes ever: meeting you saved me, saved my life-, you are the holy angle!
At this moment, her heart beats faster,she swallows her throat, laughing from inside and saying to herself, what a fool! Ms. Woman, he dies for you!!!!!!
Then, like a mosquito bite, quick but the swelling and itch hurt a lot for a long time, and sometimes lives spots. Mr. Man declares that he is not sure of pursuing dating MS. Woman,he likes her a lot, but cannot see himself with her or any other woman!!! -of course a lie-.Mr. Man shares that he wants to focus on other aspects of his life, and for him, it is not the right moment for a serious relationship!!!!
With a lot of mosquito bites like this, our skin becomes thicker; our heads become dislocated from our hearts. It is an emotional practice rather than rational exercise to become numb, cold and soulless… We (the women) are humans, we are made of flesh and blood… the heart rules the mind in %99 of a woman’s life.
My question remains: is it a surprise, disbelief or emotional disability… to not being able to amend our nature as women!!!! to live happily ever after … a happy life with ZERO EXPECTATIONS!!!!
Aurora
Friday, 30 September 2011
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
The “Independencia"
When we were kids, we always wanted to break the handcuffs our parents chained us with… we were always challenging our families that we can do everything, we are even capable of driving a car at the age of 16!!!!
At the age of almost 32 I am still confused what does being independent mean?
Is it being financially self sustained? or,emotionally self-sufficient ? Socially connected? or by living on your own? Eating when you want? Cooking what you like? Sleeping where you want? Decorating your house at your own taste? … A bunch of questions…. I can answer to all of them with a big YES…Certainly I am independent according to these questions, but the truth, in reality: I am NOT.
Recently, in the lovely city of Barcelona I met JJ, a young gentleman whom I connect well with him. He makes me laugh a lot, I am relaxed around him.I am not too scared to ask his help for very simple homey daily life things.We are different in everything, yet we are similar in almost everything. We both strive day and night to make our life worthwhile, and we both claim that we want to be independent… actually we are both convinced that we are so independent.
JJ and I have been friends now for almost 6 months, I realized that neither of us is independent or an “alone person”. No human being can be an “alone person” as we intend to look, of course anyone can enjoy a glass of wine, a book, a movie, a dinner for few days on his/her own every once in a while. But seriously, recently I noticed that people try to convince themselves in every possible way that they are better off on their own rather being with somebody, under the cover of being “independent”. Even I pretend to be the super duper girl, who’s capable of doing everything by her-self. I even say that (Browny), my 1 year old Yorkshire terrier is the best man I have met so far...such a LIE!
Why is it so important for us to wear this mask of being fully independent persons while we aren’t? Is it a strategy to get the approval and acceptance of the others? Just like wearing stylish clothes or having the coolest haircut. Is it a way of becoming sexier? Is the objective to be accepted in the society?
If so,then why independent sexy cool powerful women are increasingly singles? Why are they thinking of adoption and looking for a clinic where they can freeze their eggs? Why are they rejected in the World of MEN?
Why do men get scared of cool, attractive, decent INDEPENDENT women? Is just a slogan that men are looking for strong independent women, so they can be a la mode?
And why the independent sexy women became a threat to the INDEPENDENT men’s World? Those “Independent Men” who are so cool and always have lectures, discussions and manifestations about women threatening their “Kingdom Of Independence”, ironically enough; end up with the most needy, selfish, selfless women. Nothing to do with the image they tried to paint about looking for confident independent women!!!!
As for the “Independent Women” who claim to enjoy their “aloneness”, 3 scenarios are possible:
1.Get real and take off the stylish mask of being the powerful confident independent women,the iron woman...we all cry on our pillows , wishing to be in the arms of special man.
2.Play the role of being a helpless needy air-headed women, while you hide the power within you, just PRETEND, at the end, those women we mock win, and most end up with our gorgeous ex boyfriends.
3.If you are unable to pretend or show your weaknesses to someone, life is too short to spend it alone; go to the nearest clinic so at least you get a child by the age of 40.
I believe that we all, men and women, won’t enjoy our empty beds all our life, nothing is more real than sleeping in the warm arms of someone you can enjoy life, a glass of wine, a walk, a book, a movie, a song, silence… why don’t we all put off those masks and embrace real life... embrace ourselves just the way we are!!!
At the age of almost 32 I am still confused what does being independent mean?
Is it being financially self sustained? or,emotionally self-sufficient ? Socially connected? or by living on your own? Eating when you want? Cooking what you like? Sleeping where you want? Decorating your house at your own taste? … A bunch of questions…. I can answer to all of them with a big YES…Certainly I am independent according to these questions, but the truth, in reality: I am NOT.
Recently, in the lovely city of Barcelona I met JJ, a young gentleman whom I connect well with him. He makes me laugh a lot, I am relaxed around him.I am not too scared to ask his help for very simple homey daily life things.We are different in everything, yet we are similar in almost everything. We both strive day and night to make our life worthwhile, and we both claim that we want to be independent… actually we are both convinced that we are so independent.
JJ and I have been friends now for almost 6 months, I realized that neither of us is independent or an “alone person”. No human being can be an “alone person” as we intend to look, of course anyone can enjoy a glass of wine, a book, a movie, a dinner for few days on his/her own every once in a while. But seriously, recently I noticed that people try to convince themselves in every possible way that they are better off on their own rather being with somebody, under the cover of being “independent”. Even I pretend to be the super duper girl, who’s capable of doing everything by her-self. I even say that (Browny), my 1 year old Yorkshire terrier is the best man I have met so far...such a LIE!
Why is it so important for us to wear this mask of being fully independent persons while we aren’t? Is it a strategy to get the approval and acceptance of the others? Just like wearing stylish clothes or having the coolest haircut. Is it a way of becoming sexier? Is the objective to be accepted in the society?
If so,then why independent sexy cool powerful women are increasingly singles? Why are they thinking of adoption and looking for a clinic where they can freeze their eggs? Why are they rejected in the World of MEN?
Why do men get scared of cool, attractive, decent INDEPENDENT women? Is just a slogan that men are looking for strong independent women, so they can be a la mode?
And why the independent sexy women became a threat to the INDEPENDENT men’s World? Those “Independent Men” who are so cool and always have lectures, discussions and manifestations about women threatening their “Kingdom Of Independence”, ironically enough; end up with the most needy, selfish, selfless women. Nothing to do with the image they tried to paint about looking for confident independent women!!!!
As for the “Independent Women” who claim to enjoy their “aloneness”, 3 scenarios are possible:
1.Get real and take off the stylish mask of being the powerful confident independent women,the iron woman...we all cry on our pillows , wishing to be in the arms of special man.
2.Play the role of being a helpless needy air-headed women, while you hide the power within you, just PRETEND, at the end, those women we mock win, and most end up with our gorgeous ex boyfriends.
3.If you are unable to pretend or show your weaknesses to someone, life is too short to spend it alone; go to the nearest clinic so at least you get a child by the age of 40.
I believe that we all, men and women, won’t enjoy our empty beds all our life, nothing is more real than sleeping in the warm arms of someone you can enjoy life, a glass of wine, a walk, a book, a movie, a song, silence… why don’t we all put off those masks and embrace real life... embrace ourselves just the way we are!!!
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