Sunday, 16 December 2012
The Victim
I am no victim.
Today was a beautiful sunny day in Barcelona. The sky was super bright with few clouds and the sun shines through those amazing white clouds.
I woke up feeling like the whole universe is on my 2 tiny shoulders. Tired, sad and above all feeling that this life is tasteless.
Took my long morning shower, got dressed and tried to wear some make up so I can at least feel a bit better when I look at the mirror. Browny and I went for our daily walk, in the same streets, the same trees, and the same yellow leaves. I tried to take a deep breath while walking, may be this weird huge rock on my shoulders can get lighter, may be this rock on my chest can fly away a bit and give the chance to breathe. No success.
All I am going through is because of the choices I have made. It was my decision to move to Barcelona 3 years ago and start a life from scratch. It was my decision to choose the relationships I have been in or still in. It was my decision to leave a much secured job, take a risk and start my own agency. It was my decision to leave my family, friends and my life back home. A secured life. I am missing them day and night. Sometimes, at night I fall asleep because of the long long hours of crying alone, crawling in my bed, scared of the unknown, missing my mum´s smile and touch. In the morning...when I wake up....I can barely open my eyes.
I am no victim.
I confess and admit that I am no victim. I have brought all this to myself. I am the one who decided to be in a dead end relationship. I am the one who decided to fall for a shadow of a man ....whom I never had, and never been mine.
I am no victim.
I am the one who decides to stay at home every weekend, writing proposals, cooking alone, drinking alone. Thinking that I am protecting myself from, more pain, acting like a committed woman. I am the one who is limiting herself to a small circle of social life, while I have the whole World in front of me, and within my 2 hands.
I am the one who´s closing the door for any potential relationship, because, as a fool, thinking that I have tasted heaven, why would I settle for the 7th sky. Imagining that one day, my dream will come true. As all those theories, saying that if you believe in your dream, strongly enough, it will come true.
I am no victim
I chose the wrong dream, and the wrong hero for this dream. I have imprisoned myself in this absolutely draining dream for so long.
I am no victim
I am the one who´s turning 33 years in few days, feeling as if I am 66 years of old.
I am no victim
For putting myself out there to be a doormat, for anyone who wants to hurt me and cause me pain.
I am no victim
For choosing the wrong battles, for hurting myself, my soul and my heart for nothing.
I am no victim, I am aware of all my wrong decisions, choices and actions.
Yet, I will not forgive myself for prolonging this pain, for continuing to be a cowered and not pulling my life back together.
I will not forgive myself for not stopping this addiction called you.
I will not forgive myself for not destroying your image from my heart, mind and soul.
You are like a poison, addictive poison, I know it will eventually kill me, and I keep drinking you.
In no time, I will rise again; I will stand up on 2 feet as I always did. As a great Brazilian friend of mine, once said: stand up, shake it up, and keep going forward
Today, I will pull back the ropes of my life again,put my head up, and keep going forward, I am no victim, never been, and will do my best to open my arms wide enough to embrace this bless called life…
Without living in the shadow of your love.
Aurora
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
The Farewell
My Dearest UfM Family,
2 years and 4 months ago, I arrived to Barcelona to continue my studies and start a new life. Unexpectedly, I got a job with the UfM. I was the 3rd person to arrive after Kamal and Alaa.
The challenge was overwhelming but rewarding to have been able to participate in setting up a new organization in this beautiful and lovely City of Barcelona.
2 years have passed like a blink of an eye, I have enjoyed it, lived it, felt it, loved it and grew with it. Every little step forward seemed to me like a mile of achievement. Lots of memories that I will cherish in my heart forever.
In 2 years, the UfMs has become my friend, my partner, my family, my home and the centre of my life. But, change is the only constant thing in life, it is time for me to try to pursue my dreams and learn more.
22 of June will be my last working day in the UfMs, but it will not be my last day with all the great wonderful people I have met here. These friendships I will keep it for life.
I have been really fortunate, privileged and honoured to have worked with each and everyone of you in the different positions I have held. I learnt a lot, each one of you added something to me. Writing this is extremely hard for me, it feels like I detaching myself from myself.
The UfMs will grow and flourish with your belief, determination and commitment, I imagine that one day I will be watching the TV and will see the inauguration of the desalination station in Gaza, and I will say with all pride that I have been in this amazing UfMs one day.
Allow me to thank you all for everything, basically for making these 2 years worthwhile, for your time, patience, support, leadership, and for helping me out all the time.
I will miss the UfMs a lot, I will miss you so much but I am sure that our paths will cross again soon, and rest assured that you all have a little house here in Barcelona and in Jordan, always welcomed with widely opened arms.
Best of luck to all of you,
Aurora
Friday, 8 June 2012
The Soraya
“Leaders don’t create followers, they create leaders”. Few days ago I read this sentence on one of my friend’s Facebook wall. We read a lot of inspirational quotes on daily basis, we relate to some, disagree with others. Some quotes make us cry; others smile, think, hope or wish, but the most important thing whether we apply what we learn from these quotes in our day to day life.
2 days ago I went with my inspiring and charming boss to the WEF summit in Istanbul, this prestigious forum that gathers almost all the World leaders from the different walks of life. May be this is my 10th year in these summits, and every year I learn many things, I meet new people, and I reconnect with others.
Yesterday, I remembered back in 2003 when Jordan hosted its first MENA WEF Summit in the Dead Sea, we didn’t even have a convention center there, yet His Majesty King Abdullah made it clear to his administration that it must happen. Luckily enough, I had the opportunity to work with 2 amazing Jordanian Ministers then; I won’t mention their names, they were not only Ministers, they are 2 true leaders, because their whole team was empowered, was able to make decisions during very hard moments. The initiative of any member was appreciated and taken seriously, of course if it made sense. They gave us ownership, so all of us we felt responsible and they succeeded to bring the best out of us. I saw how those 2 leaders used to help one another; fight to put an exciting session on the program, lobby to bring the name of Jordan everywhere possible. I learnt that when you are in the field, in action, you must forget yourself, forget your ego, and deploy yourself to what brings the most for our beloved country, Jordan. I learnt that connecting people is essential, it empowers oneself and others. I learnt that if you don’t use common sense to make use the best the opportunity, it won’t come again. I learnt that if you don’t follow up, your efforts are useless and people will forget you in less than 2 days.
Yesterday, and for the first time in my life, I felt ashamed of being Jordanian, yet in the meantime I felt I am the proudest Jordanian on Earth. One of our so called –young, dynamic and key- ministers was in Istanbul. I was observing the way he was interacting with the people- extremely embarrassing indeed. The show he has put was beyond fake, beyond reflecting himself rather what this little but great country Jordan is all about. His Excellency the Minister, a former diplomat stood in a funny way while speaking to the World Leaders. I was wondering if he was ever a diplomat, since he lacks the basic decorum. His Excelleny missed meetings, because he was too busy smoking a cigar in the hotel lounge, may be he was able to close the Jordanian budget deficit on his blackberry, as he was beyond attached to his BB. While a minister from another Arab country was very humble, he started his meetings at 08:30, and at 21:00 I saw him, still in the same place, meeting some businessmen. You can tell, the man was on a mission. The man respected the trust that His King has granted him. Simply the man loves serving his country.
Then I met Soraya, my fellow Jordanian, her dedication to Jordan, to her mission, to the Arab youth filled the whole place. Her eyes shine when she speaks about the success stories of Jordan. She was on the run; from one meeting to another, non-stop, she didn’t save an effort for 2 days, to bring more people on board of her project. Soraya, my fellow Jordanian (as she calls me), made me breath again yesterday, I felt some peace in my heart, for Thank God, some people like Soraya still exist. Still fight to make Jordan First.
Today, I just want to say to His Excelleny, to watch out, the title never makes a man, yet the man makes the title. From 800$ billion aids to Jordan, we have just received 18$ million. Our Prime Minister, last week declared that the economic situation is falling apart. Basically, Your Excellency, I only wished to see you in action during the past 2 days, to take off your Armani suit of ego and to remember that your salary is paid from our taxes, that His Majesty entrusted you, and no one will take (His Excelleny) title anywhere, so please just try to do your job, or do some job shadowing to your peer in the other Arab country, you can learn a lot, yet above all love Jordan.
BA, FUZ (as you like to be called), Soraya, thank you for existing, keep shining on us because you have given a lot to Jordan and to us. I dedicate this for you…you are real leaders…. You are creating true leaders…indeed keep giving us the push…to believe.
Friday, 28 October 2011
The Balance
“But, don’t look only at the empty half of the glass”, such a comforting annoying metaphor. Every time somebody uses this saying, I feel like slapping them or better punch them in the face.
Sometimes we only need sympathy, understanding, simply, a shoulder to cry on, or better a tab on the back and allow us to cry out loud, to scream, to curse and question the purpose of existing.
I have deserted many friends of mine because they were never able to give me this room of not judging, or this attitude of:” yeah, we know better, been there, done that and all you do is the following…” As if they were in my heart, and felt what I was feeling. I am with the principle of accepting people as they are, not to even try to change them, but I am the master of my life … I am free to open it to whomever I want… nobody is an obligation.
Last week I went back to Jordan for work. It was my second time this year. As usual, nothing is unusual in Amman. Same traffic, same driving ethics, same smelly taxis, same gossip, the only different thing… yet not too surprising, more bumps are in the streets of Amman, which makes the drive more interesting, especially when you see the disputes among the drivers… Oh Amman, you never hide your deficiencies!
Luckily enough I have fabulous friends, those kind of friends who are like diamonds, they never change, and they shine forever. We had a great time; we talked, drank, laughed, gossiped, joked, danced like crazy, and gave each others lots of warm genuine hugs. It is true when it is said that we need to put things into its real perspective, my everlasting friend whom I always call her (Sunshine), taught me this tip:” Let’s not exaggerate, let’s put things into its real perspective” Sunshine: You are definitely so right, it is only healthy to look at the full half of the glass. As much as Amman might look depressing, dry and fake, yet its generous, true, warm hearted people, make it heaven on Earth. It is the city where when you have a flat tire, many would stop to fix it for a woman, even if it 35 degrees, hot sweaty day. It is the city, where if your credit card didn’t work for one reason or another, you are trusted enough to leave, you can pay tomorrow or when you can. It is the city when you don’t have enough money, a vender will tell you, don’t worry, and consider it as if I offered you some sweets. It is the city when I asked for blood donors for my dad when he was in the hospital, in less than 2 hours, 70 people were present to donate. It is the city where protecting a woman, a total stranger is still a must. It is the city, where in less than 24 hours of you arrival, you could be invited to have a meal or a cup of mint tea in a Jordanian house.
It is the city where I first fell in love grew up and made me who I am. Jordan with all its limited resources still demonstrates to the whole World, that the human capital is its real petrol, its natural resource.
Today, I want to dedicate this to my 3 lovely friends back in Amman, Sammy: for being the rock of my life. Hadeel; the forever determined woman. Frank, the optimist, who’s more Jordanian than Jordanians. May you and Hadeel live happily ever after.
Jordan, continue to be the place where we can feel the Balance.
I love you and will keep serving you in every possible way.
Aurora
Sometimes we only need sympathy, understanding, simply, a shoulder to cry on, or better a tab on the back and allow us to cry out loud, to scream, to curse and question the purpose of existing.
I have deserted many friends of mine because they were never able to give me this room of not judging, or this attitude of:” yeah, we know better, been there, done that and all you do is the following…” As if they were in my heart, and felt what I was feeling. I am with the principle of accepting people as they are, not to even try to change them, but I am the master of my life … I am free to open it to whomever I want… nobody is an obligation.
Last week I went back to Jordan for work. It was my second time this year. As usual, nothing is unusual in Amman. Same traffic, same driving ethics, same smelly taxis, same gossip, the only different thing… yet not too surprising, more bumps are in the streets of Amman, which makes the drive more interesting, especially when you see the disputes among the drivers… Oh Amman, you never hide your deficiencies!
Luckily enough I have fabulous friends, those kind of friends who are like diamonds, they never change, and they shine forever. We had a great time; we talked, drank, laughed, gossiped, joked, danced like crazy, and gave each others lots of warm genuine hugs. It is true when it is said that we need to put things into its real perspective, my everlasting friend whom I always call her (Sunshine), taught me this tip:” Let’s not exaggerate, let’s put things into its real perspective” Sunshine: You are definitely so right, it is only healthy to look at the full half of the glass. As much as Amman might look depressing, dry and fake, yet its generous, true, warm hearted people, make it heaven on Earth. It is the city where when you have a flat tire, many would stop to fix it for a woman, even if it 35 degrees, hot sweaty day. It is the city, where if your credit card didn’t work for one reason or another, you are trusted enough to leave, you can pay tomorrow or when you can. It is the city when you don’t have enough money, a vender will tell you, don’t worry, and consider it as if I offered you some sweets. It is the city when I asked for blood donors for my dad when he was in the hospital, in less than 2 hours, 70 people were present to donate. It is the city where protecting a woman, a total stranger is still a must. It is the city, where in less than 24 hours of you arrival, you could be invited to have a meal or a cup of mint tea in a Jordanian house.
It is the city where I first fell in love grew up and made me who I am. Jordan with all its limited resources still demonstrates to the whole World, that the human capital is its real petrol, its natural resource.
Today, I want to dedicate this to my 3 lovely friends back in Amman, Sammy: for being the rock of my life. Hadeel; the forever determined woman. Frank, the optimist, who’s more Jordanian than Jordanians. May you and Hadeel live happily ever after.
Jordan, continue to be the place where we can feel the Balance.
I love you and will keep serving you in every possible way.
Aurora
Friday, 30 September 2011
Surprise… Disappointment or Emotional Disability?
“An expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order.”
This is one of the definitions of “Expectation”. Is expectation a kind of self defense or self motivating? Is it a smart way to plan the future? Is it an adoption and implementation for the law of attraction? Is it a manifestation that we are humans and not machines???
Half of the people on the planet have read the book “The Secret”, and the other half have been enrolled in positive thinking trainings, coaching or therapy, and believers just depend on God; they believe in “Que sera sera!” the higher power of the Universe will take its natural course.
“The best things happen when we least expect it” I disagree and agree. I do expect a bonus at the end of the year if I meet my targets. I do expect not to beg in the streets if I work hard, earn and enough money. I do expect to be respected if I do respect others. I do expect to have my family beside me in bad times. I do expect my friends to be there for me. I do expect to have fewer wrinkles if I am using anti-wrinkles creams and later Botox. I do expect to have a nice body if I eat well and exercise. These things are really great, and I expect it to happen in my life.
But I am struggling to understand how to live a life with ZERO EXPECTATIONS!
For the past year, I kept saying to myself and others that I am living my life day to day, I have no expectations whatsoever. It is not true at all, I did my best to believe this but with no success.
Reciprocating is a fundamental thing in life, but it doesn't apply on everything. The only venue of our life that obliges us to keep expecting is LOVE. It works like an anti biotic to kill the bacteria of convincing ourselves not to expect anything in LOVE. Unless, we are Mother Teresa or Jesus, we only give love, sweetness and tenderness just because we are people with good hearts; we give and never expect anything in return!!!
The best example on this is:The Stages of Dating: a coffee, a drink,…a dinner, movies…dinner at his house… dinner at her house… talks, discussions, smiles, laughs, and if the man is a super gentle , flowers or a box of chocolate… the expected RESULT is: SEX or in nicer words: making love.
The rhythm goes on, calls, text messages, FB messages, good night messages, good morning messages… plans for the weekend. The woman normally starts to feel a change in her life. Now, this change might be positive or negative. Positive; if it makes her happy and she doesn’t pretend to be happy, in addition she doesn’t amend the course of her life to fit Mr. Man in it. Negative; if she starts interpreting every move he makes as a gesture of bonding, this will definitely nurture her expectations, and this leads of course to become obsessed and needy.
How many of us spent a Friday night crying and going crazy because Mr. Man doesn’t answer his phone neither replies to the voice or text messages!!!!
We, the women are the womb of the Earth, we give with love, with warmth, with kindness, basically we give from our hearts, and unfortunately, we give our hearts easily.
Suddenly, the moment of truth knocks our doors… it actually knocks out our hearts… and many times our self confidence. After a week or 2 of total disappearance, Mr. Man agrees to meet for a "coffee", where he elaborates vividly that he has been very busy and going like a crazy. He elaborates that ,FINALLY, he found himself again, he wants to use this moment of AWAKENING to identify and arrange the cards of his life.
He keeps going...The appearance of Ms. Woman was like a dream came true, like a holy gift, like sunshine after a storm. Ms. Woman, he says while giving those sweetest eyes ever: meeting you saved me, saved my life-, you are the holy angle!
At this moment, her heart beats faster,she swallows her throat, laughing from inside and saying to herself, what a fool! Ms. Woman, he dies for you!!!!!!
Then, like a mosquito bite, quick but the swelling and itch hurt a lot for a long time, and sometimes lives spots. Mr. Man declares that he is not sure of pursuing dating MS. Woman,he likes her a lot, but cannot see himself with her or any other woman!!! -of course a lie-.Mr. Man shares that he wants to focus on other aspects of his life, and for him, it is not the right moment for a serious relationship!!!!
With a lot of mosquito bites like this, our skin becomes thicker; our heads become dislocated from our hearts. It is an emotional practice rather than rational exercise to become numb, cold and soulless… We (the women) are humans, we are made of flesh and blood… the heart rules the mind in %99 of a woman’s life.
My question remains: is it a surprise, disbelief or emotional disability… to not being able to amend our nature as women!!!! to live happily ever after … a happy life with ZERO EXPECTATIONS!!!!
Aurora
This is one of the definitions of “Expectation”. Is expectation a kind of self defense or self motivating? Is it a smart way to plan the future? Is it an adoption and implementation for the law of attraction? Is it a manifestation that we are humans and not machines???
Half of the people on the planet have read the book “The Secret”, and the other half have been enrolled in positive thinking trainings, coaching or therapy, and believers just depend on God; they believe in “Que sera sera!” the higher power of the Universe will take its natural course.
“The best things happen when we least expect it” I disagree and agree. I do expect a bonus at the end of the year if I meet my targets. I do expect not to beg in the streets if I work hard, earn and enough money. I do expect to be respected if I do respect others. I do expect to have my family beside me in bad times. I do expect my friends to be there for me. I do expect to have fewer wrinkles if I am using anti-wrinkles creams and later Botox. I do expect to have a nice body if I eat well and exercise. These things are really great, and I expect it to happen in my life.
But I am struggling to understand how to live a life with ZERO EXPECTATIONS!
For the past year, I kept saying to myself and others that I am living my life day to day, I have no expectations whatsoever. It is not true at all, I did my best to believe this but with no success.
Reciprocating is a fundamental thing in life, but it doesn't apply on everything. The only venue of our life that obliges us to keep expecting is LOVE. It works like an anti biotic to kill the bacteria of convincing ourselves not to expect anything in LOVE. Unless, we are Mother Teresa or Jesus, we only give love, sweetness and tenderness just because we are people with good hearts; we give and never expect anything in return!!!
The best example on this is:The Stages of Dating: a coffee, a drink,…a dinner, movies…dinner at his house… dinner at her house… talks, discussions, smiles, laughs, and if the man is a super gentle , flowers or a box of chocolate… the expected RESULT is: SEX or in nicer words: making love.
The rhythm goes on, calls, text messages, FB messages, good night messages, good morning messages… plans for the weekend. The woman normally starts to feel a change in her life. Now, this change might be positive or negative. Positive; if it makes her happy and she doesn’t pretend to be happy, in addition she doesn’t amend the course of her life to fit Mr. Man in it. Negative; if she starts interpreting every move he makes as a gesture of bonding, this will definitely nurture her expectations, and this leads of course to become obsessed and needy.
How many of us spent a Friday night crying and going crazy because Mr. Man doesn’t answer his phone neither replies to the voice or text messages!!!!
We, the women are the womb of the Earth, we give with love, with warmth, with kindness, basically we give from our hearts, and unfortunately, we give our hearts easily.
Suddenly, the moment of truth knocks our doors… it actually knocks out our hearts… and many times our self confidence. After a week or 2 of total disappearance, Mr. Man agrees to meet for a "coffee", where he elaborates vividly that he has been very busy and going like a crazy. He elaborates that ,FINALLY, he found himself again, he wants to use this moment of AWAKENING to identify and arrange the cards of his life.
He keeps going...The appearance of Ms. Woman was like a dream came true, like a holy gift, like sunshine after a storm. Ms. Woman, he says while giving those sweetest eyes ever: meeting you saved me, saved my life-, you are the holy angle!
At this moment, her heart beats faster,she swallows her throat, laughing from inside and saying to herself, what a fool! Ms. Woman, he dies for you!!!!!!
Then, like a mosquito bite, quick but the swelling and itch hurt a lot for a long time, and sometimes lives spots. Mr. Man declares that he is not sure of pursuing dating MS. Woman,he likes her a lot, but cannot see himself with her or any other woman!!! -of course a lie-.Mr. Man shares that he wants to focus on other aspects of his life, and for him, it is not the right moment for a serious relationship!!!!
With a lot of mosquito bites like this, our skin becomes thicker; our heads become dislocated from our hearts. It is an emotional practice rather than rational exercise to become numb, cold and soulless… We (the women) are humans, we are made of flesh and blood… the heart rules the mind in %99 of a woman’s life.
My question remains: is it a surprise, disbelief or emotional disability… to not being able to amend our nature as women!!!! to live happily ever after … a happy life with ZERO EXPECTATIONS!!!!
Aurora
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
The “Independencia"
When we were kids, we always wanted to break the handcuffs our parents chained us with… we were always challenging our families that we can do everything, we are even capable of driving a car at the age of 16!!!!
At the age of almost 32 I am still confused what does being independent mean?
Is it being financially self sustained? or,emotionally self-sufficient ? Socially connected? or by living on your own? Eating when you want? Cooking what you like? Sleeping where you want? Decorating your house at your own taste? … A bunch of questions…. I can answer to all of them with a big YES…Certainly I am independent according to these questions, but the truth, in reality: I am NOT.
Recently, in the lovely city of Barcelona I met JJ, a young gentleman whom I connect well with him. He makes me laugh a lot, I am relaxed around him.I am not too scared to ask his help for very simple homey daily life things.We are different in everything, yet we are similar in almost everything. We both strive day and night to make our life worthwhile, and we both claim that we want to be independent… actually we are both convinced that we are so independent.
JJ and I have been friends now for almost 6 months, I realized that neither of us is independent or an “alone person”. No human being can be an “alone person” as we intend to look, of course anyone can enjoy a glass of wine, a book, a movie, a dinner for few days on his/her own every once in a while. But seriously, recently I noticed that people try to convince themselves in every possible way that they are better off on their own rather being with somebody, under the cover of being “independent”. Even I pretend to be the super duper girl, who’s capable of doing everything by her-self. I even say that (Browny), my 1 year old Yorkshire terrier is the best man I have met so far...such a LIE!
Why is it so important for us to wear this mask of being fully independent persons while we aren’t? Is it a strategy to get the approval and acceptance of the others? Just like wearing stylish clothes or having the coolest haircut. Is it a way of becoming sexier? Is the objective to be accepted in the society?
If so,then why independent sexy cool powerful women are increasingly singles? Why are they thinking of adoption and looking for a clinic where they can freeze their eggs? Why are they rejected in the World of MEN?
Why do men get scared of cool, attractive, decent INDEPENDENT women? Is just a slogan that men are looking for strong independent women, so they can be a la mode?
And why the independent sexy women became a threat to the INDEPENDENT men’s World? Those “Independent Men” who are so cool and always have lectures, discussions and manifestations about women threatening their “Kingdom Of Independence”, ironically enough; end up with the most needy, selfish, selfless women. Nothing to do with the image they tried to paint about looking for confident independent women!!!!
As for the “Independent Women” who claim to enjoy their “aloneness”, 3 scenarios are possible:
1.Get real and take off the stylish mask of being the powerful confident independent women,the iron woman...we all cry on our pillows , wishing to be in the arms of special man.
2.Play the role of being a helpless needy air-headed women, while you hide the power within you, just PRETEND, at the end, those women we mock win, and most end up with our gorgeous ex boyfriends.
3.If you are unable to pretend or show your weaknesses to someone, life is too short to spend it alone; go to the nearest clinic so at least you get a child by the age of 40.
I believe that we all, men and women, won’t enjoy our empty beds all our life, nothing is more real than sleeping in the warm arms of someone you can enjoy life, a glass of wine, a walk, a book, a movie, a song, silence… why don’t we all put off those masks and embrace real life... embrace ourselves just the way we are!!!
At the age of almost 32 I am still confused what does being independent mean?
Is it being financially self sustained? or,emotionally self-sufficient ? Socially connected? or by living on your own? Eating when you want? Cooking what you like? Sleeping where you want? Decorating your house at your own taste? … A bunch of questions…. I can answer to all of them with a big YES…Certainly I am independent according to these questions, but the truth, in reality: I am NOT.
Recently, in the lovely city of Barcelona I met JJ, a young gentleman whom I connect well with him. He makes me laugh a lot, I am relaxed around him.I am not too scared to ask his help for very simple homey daily life things.We are different in everything, yet we are similar in almost everything. We both strive day and night to make our life worthwhile, and we both claim that we want to be independent… actually we are both convinced that we are so independent.
JJ and I have been friends now for almost 6 months, I realized that neither of us is independent or an “alone person”. No human being can be an “alone person” as we intend to look, of course anyone can enjoy a glass of wine, a book, a movie, a dinner for few days on his/her own every once in a while. But seriously, recently I noticed that people try to convince themselves in every possible way that they are better off on their own rather being with somebody, under the cover of being “independent”. Even I pretend to be the super duper girl, who’s capable of doing everything by her-self. I even say that (Browny), my 1 year old Yorkshire terrier is the best man I have met so far...such a LIE!
Why is it so important for us to wear this mask of being fully independent persons while we aren’t? Is it a strategy to get the approval and acceptance of the others? Just like wearing stylish clothes or having the coolest haircut. Is it a way of becoming sexier? Is the objective to be accepted in the society?
If so,then why independent sexy cool powerful women are increasingly singles? Why are they thinking of adoption and looking for a clinic where they can freeze their eggs? Why are they rejected in the World of MEN?
Why do men get scared of cool, attractive, decent INDEPENDENT women? Is just a slogan that men are looking for strong independent women, so they can be a la mode?
And why the independent sexy women became a threat to the INDEPENDENT men’s World? Those “Independent Men” who are so cool and always have lectures, discussions and manifestations about women threatening their “Kingdom Of Independence”, ironically enough; end up with the most needy, selfish, selfless women. Nothing to do with the image they tried to paint about looking for confident independent women!!!!
As for the “Independent Women” who claim to enjoy their “aloneness”, 3 scenarios are possible:
1.Get real and take off the stylish mask of being the powerful confident independent women,the iron woman...we all cry on our pillows , wishing to be in the arms of special man.
2.Play the role of being a helpless needy air-headed women, while you hide the power within you, just PRETEND, at the end, those women we mock win, and most end up with our gorgeous ex boyfriends.
3.If you are unable to pretend or show your weaknesses to someone, life is too short to spend it alone; go to the nearest clinic so at least you get a child by the age of 40.
I believe that we all, men and women, won’t enjoy our empty beds all our life, nothing is more real than sleeping in the warm arms of someone you can enjoy life, a glass of wine, a walk, a book, a movie, a song, silence… why don’t we all put off those masks and embrace real life... embrace ourselves just the way we are!!!
Saturday, 26 March 2011
Little… Small…Short and Tiny
Everyday life gives us a blessing, health, family, work, love, money or just a moment of joy, a smile, a genuine piece of advice, a new exposure, an opportunity... yet we intend to always look for the things that we don't have. It is true we cannot have all what we want or aspire, but why the rush on having everything!!! if we do have it all... then what's next? What will we be working for? or waiting for? Once we got what we were dreaming of, we start immediately to nag about another thing.
My friend, a gorgeous woman, educated, accomplished, married to an entrepeuneur, has a healthy beautiful son. Every time I see her or call her, she has to complain about something. I wonder what else she is missing. She is in love with her husband, bought her dream house, and drives the latest of her favorite car. Every conversation we have I try to keep highlighting her blessings, and what matters really is health and family. Then I had a look on myself. I do complain too, and always feel that I have to have more or something is missing... As if I have to play the role of an advisor to my friend, but I forget that I am just like her. I am living in a city I always dreamt of living in, I have a breathtaking attic, have a job I like, yet not too challenging for me, surrounded by good friends. What else do I need? I keep dragging myself to think of the past... of all the sad moments I lived...and I focus on all what I am missing in my life... let's what I don't have.
Then I try to be my personal therapist, I remind myself of the blessings I have, of how courageous I am to build a new life in a totally new place in less than a year.
I realize now that no one can really show the other the positive side of their lives. It has to come from within; it has to be a personal choice to feel content and satisfied about your life. Patience plays a great role as well, step by step; we can get and reach everything we want. My dad-God Bless His Soul- used to remind me that God didn't create the whole universe in one day. It is good to be ambitious in life, to be excited, to fulfill all your dreams, but I have two concerns here: Are we trying to live our own dream? or a dream that has been set for us by our families and societies, drawn from their own expectations about us. The other thing, while we are trying to accomplish a dream, are we forgetting to live the current moment? And keep convincing ourselves that once I have this or do that I will be happy. Are we scarifying living the moment in order to get a moment we don't have yet, and not so sure that we will be happy when we reach it!!!!
I am trying to live this exciting journey called life... sometimes I am another copy of my friend... and many times.. I become my own advisor and seize the moment...
I reached to a conclusion... if life is too short, so why not to have short, small, tiny daily dreams... which are reachable, doable and fun to accomplish...that's how we don't waste our lives and we can live the moment...
I will try...
Aurora
My friend, a gorgeous woman, educated, accomplished, married to an entrepeuneur, has a healthy beautiful son. Every time I see her or call her, she has to complain about something. I wonder what else she is missing. She is in love with her husband, bought her dream house, and drives the latest of her favorite car. Every conversation we have I try to keep highlighting her blessings, and what matters really is health and family. Then I had a look on myself. I do complain too, and always feel that I have to have more or something is missing... As if I have to play the role of an advisor to my friend, but I forget that I am just like her. I am living in a city I always dreamt of living in, I have a breathtaking attic, have a job I like, yet not too challenging for me, surrounded by good friends. What else do I need? I keep dragging myself to think of the past... of all the sad moments I lived...and I focus on all what I am missing in my life... let's what I don't have.
Then I try to be my personal therapist, I remind myself of the blessings I have, of how courageous I am to build a new life in a totally new place in less than a year.
I realize now that no one can really show the other the positive side of their lives. It has to come from within; it has to be a personal choice to feel content and satisfied about your life. Patience plays a great role as well, step by step; we can get and reach everything we want. My dad-God Bless His Soul- used to remind me that God didn't create the whole universe in one day. It is good to be ambitious in life, to be excited, to fulfill all your dreams, but I have two concerns here: Are we trying to live our own dream? or a dream that has been set for us by our families and societies, drawn from their own expectations about us. The other thing, while we are trying to accomplish a dream, are we forgetting to live the current moment? And keep convincing ourselves that once I have this or do that I will be happy. Are we scarifying living the moment in order to get a moment we don't have yet, and not so sure that we will be happy when we reach it!!!!
I am trying to live this exciting journey called life... sometimes I am another copy of my friend... and many times.. I become my own advisor and seize the moment...
I reached to a conclusion... if life is too short, so why not to have short, small, tiny daily dreams... which are reachable, doable and fun to accomplish...that's how we don't waste our lives and we can live the moment...
I will try...
Aurora
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)